I wrote this while waiting for a friend somewhere in the hostel siting on a lovers’ bench. I hope it makes the sense I intend to make..
At exactly 1:30 am..
Dawn of a new day, I never imagined talking to a boy so fine, so mannered, so disciplined and principled..
We met through the internet and it changed my whole perspective about people on there.
So my phone rang that early.. I was deep into the dream.. But yh.. Somehow I knew it was him so I woke.
Long ass convo.. Heartfelt, with joy and understanding. We just clicked right from there.
Early morning.. 6:10, baby. Uhmm is it safe to call him that yet? Oh well..
Playing safe or giving up..
So I woke up to a text that made me feel like the most relevant creature walking this earth. At least I entice someone’s interests.. We’ll eventually be suckers.
I guess that’s been the motion.. Of falling in love? Lust? Lost?
Whatever it’ll be.. Up to me. Up to him
Amazingly. Not surprisingly tho. We got addicted to each other. Late night texts.. Unexpected calls.. Sweet messages.. Quotes for encouragement.. 24/7 nah 25/8
Not even a minute late, we started professing love to each other. Started feeling committed to each other and feeling responsible for each other.
Well.. That was the motion
Now I’m walking to class with earplugs in my ear.. Loud music playing.. Singing along to the tunes of life and love, “you’re just too good to be true.. Can’t take my eyes off you.. You be like heaven touch.. I wanna hold you so much.. You’re just too good to be true”
But I heard once that, if you ever feel someone is too good to be true.. Well the person is
So this is it.. He was too good to be true and I didn’t wanna even believe it. I guess I shut my eyes to the reality.
approaching evening.. And the evenings of a good relationship.
My baby.. He just minimized how he made me feel so alive. He said he loved me.. Once in a while.. He’ll call me the best thing that ever happened to him.. I’ll get swollen but under control. I’m just too good at harboring emotions so I don’t make a fool of myself.
I’m sitting on my bed. Lonely. Crying. Where is the fire of my loin? My sun and stars?
Baby: ” I’m busy. I’ll talk to you when I get home from school. I promise I”ll make it up”
Me: ” ok baby. Be safe.”
Logs on to twitter.. I see him all over the TL. He said he was gonna hit me up. Where is he? ..
Over there.. Flirting with one or two chicks. I’m startled. Babe never got home but he’s online.
I let it go. I’m easy. I’m too easy. I love peace.
I guess that’s the motion.
9:00 – 6:40 = ? Pm
Yh for that long.. I sent him texts. No reply. Goodness. We’re in the late evenings of love. The darkness.
I didn’t see this coming. Still no reply.
I’m dozing off and I hear my phone buzz.. Hey bby. I was studying. I miss you. How are you doing?
I’m angry. I’m sad it turned out this way.. But of course, the love and power I displaced is not about to sink
I’m great. I miss you more. What’s up?
He goes off only to get back at 10:30 to say ” I have a test most days, baby”
Don’t get tired yet. We’ll pull through.
So I hold on tight. I know what I want I’m not the type to get confused along the line and trip. I’m here.. Always here
You’ll come find me
Midnight. Total darkness. It just stopped being about me. For a reason I don’t know.
24 hours of the love we grew to build together.. Falling apart.
I’m falling apart. I lost myself in this. I gave all I could. I fought for the love I believed in.
Now it’s come to the time I can fight no more.
It stopped being about me. It stopped being about how amazing we were together.
It stopped being pursuing the future together.. Even though it ain’t promised us anything better.. We just believed.
It all turned round. Me in the centre with a circle of people around me.. I’m clothed in clown attire.. Moving up and down in the circle, confused. Girls, boys. Everyone laughing .. And the thought of making it through..
Jerked around.. Pulled and pushed.
Baby is watching. He is watching me being made fun of. I’m the clown
But he swears he’s got this.
That has usually been the motion.
I guess that’s just the motion.
When is enough enough?
Today? The next minute. I want to stay. I want to win. But I need some self preservation. I’m almost left with nothing.. Gave out too much power from the start
Leave me alone baby. Have your way and be with the girl in the rumors.
Not that I don’t want us..
Not that I’m not strong enough to hold on..
I’m just doing what is best for you.. Us.
24 good hours of the love.. The lifespan finally ended.
Will it ever be revived??
I still love you.. He says
You will always be that girl who meant so much to me.
You only make me cry..
but I know that’s just the motion…