The window of my Soul

It is where you see black
Darkness inside

It is where you actually realise you saw brown
A better reflector of light

The window of my soul
Where traces of blood represent humanity

And fear, danger

Long scattered fibres intertwined with each other
A beautiful work of art

A complex being for a relatively simple loving soul

Possessing compassion and passion for when needed the most

The window of my soul

It is where I could shut and nothing, there’s nothing a man can do to get in

And blindly will I walk in happiness’s embrace

It is where you look through to admire the richness of your vicinity
The well laid out streets leading to cities of God

And He made this window the weapon I wear

The most expensive weapon that I couldn’t afford

This window that I speak of is nothing but my eyes
Which refuses to see struggle and hurt

Pain and remorse, anger and hatred

But just the beauty we possess for being conquerors

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Strong Names.

“Ameera, come sit in this chair and let me recite a poem to you while I style your hair.”

“Look into this mirror and tell me what you see. Tell me what you think of yourself outwardly”

“Mom, *looks down at feet* you know how I feel very insecure and uptight. I can’t be hard on myself tonight”

“Listen to me Princess. Yes you’re a princess Ameera. That’s what your name means and that’s what you are.”

One day, like today, you will stand in another mirror reflecting on this moment.

One day, a tear will drop when you realize how far you’ve gone

One day, I won’t be around to clean that tear and talk you into hapiness

One day, you will breathe into existence the very things that died in you

One day, you will grow into Her Grace. And it’s what you command that’ll be applied

One day, no man can make you less of what you’ve worked hard to become

Her Grace, may you live up to the standards of a your title

Conceive a being inside of your womb to carry out your work when it’s all over

One day, Your Grace, a king will find a Queen in you

For you are beautiful inside and you are like light in the darkness

A small light traveling accords dark souls “Nuwaira”

Light shining in an entire city, lunminous, only as bright ” Munira”

One day, you’ll be rightly guided into your thrown, your grace “Rashida”

And one day, all you do will be well pleasing among and with the people you rule. Your kingdom “Mardiya”

And you’ll live. Live through it all because you are she who lives “Aisha”

One day, your insecurities will escape with the fragrance over your body

One day, you’ll remember I once told you this.

Monster

Lives in me
Living within a living
Life inside of a life

Then she shouts. ‘SHUT UP’
The voice is mine but I don’t know her

Then she frowns. WRITTEN on my face
The frown is hers but shows on me

Then she throws glasses out..
The hand is mine but the act is not

Then she keeps pacing to and fro
See.. Those limbs belong to me but not that energy

Then she pants and inhales deeply
Like that was supposed to be calming

Then all I hear is STOP M. JUST stop!
But honey that wasn’t me

Then she cries as I cry..
This time I know we cried together

Then she calms and asks..
Who are you? For I live in you..

Then she wipes up and carries on
Oh hell. That was us.. Moving on.

BoomClap

Then last night was a drag
I dosed of in the couch
Drunk from thinking too hard
Dazed from noticing I tried

Then this morning was a drag
Staring up into the emptiness
As I woke with unexplainable fright
Heart beating along with thoughts

And with no desire to wake
Wishing I hadn’t gone this way
Taken a covenant with life
I sorely regret the act

For life hasn’t been faithful
Never promised to stick with me
But somehow I believed
And the worst arrested me

For love wasn’t a guarantee
Never assured me of life
But somewhat I hoped
And the unexpected captured me

Then every night is a drag
Too hard to close my eyes
Even in the darkness I
Envision extra darkness within & out

For every night it’s a shame
How my heart hammers the beats
Never a soothing sound to heal
The broken fragments of my soul

Then the morning was a drag
Woke up to sounds of ghost memories
Lingering on and on

Red Gold(black) Green

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Down east coast
Golden sun beaches
Coconut grooves
Wide spread beach sand
Rock-slimy, water splashing..

Down central-west coast
Beautiful landscape
Forts, castles, rocks
Deep green tropical rain forests
Beach resorts, game parks

Middle belt..central
Evergreen plains
Mineral rich, gold
Historic. Monumental
The African pride

Northwest northeast northsouth
Agro-intensity, food
Common heritage, diaspora
Lands, vast.. Unexploited

Red Gold Green
Women working harder than expected
Children wishing they never lived
Men. Oh men asking for more power
Than they could handle

Red Gold Green
Politically myopic
Hungry beasts asking for votes
Clueless citizens joyfully electing
It all comes down to children suffering

Red Gold Green
Everyone wants fancy
Nobody wants to work for it
Drunk old men
Annoying but insightful

Red Gold Green
School children fed with major ‘rubbish’
Bulky and smelly
Expecting them to digest and utilize all
And to become the masters

Red Gold Green.. Nah black
‘Dumor’ everyday. 25/8
Inflation rate growing like the bear’s tummy
HIPC or almost
Where are we heading to?

Well..
Red Gold Green
There’s always hope for tomorrow
Even though it’s never promised
Crossed fingers, praying mouths
All in all

Red Gold Green
We are forever blessed.

All things fiery

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Emo
Love
Affair
Passion
Compassion
Strength
Hatred
All like fire..

All.. Things.. Fiery

So I let this stay too long inside of me

And my soul keeps accepting it

And my mind formed a strong bond

Like that of crystal ions

So hard and almost impossible

To break long chains of extraterrestrial
forces

That have lived for years, a sheltered struggle

That is comfortable in an uncomfortable skin

Make me go wild on Friday nights

Sober on Sunday mornings and

Angry, no. Furious. On Monday through

So all that run inside of me. The blood and air and food and water

Just symbols. Only symbols of the emotions I live with

Like blood.. So red and angry.. Only seen when cut so deep. DEEP

And air so light.. Gives life, an epitome of my liveliness

And food so delicious.. So sweet but sometimes a terrible tasting package of shit

That’s how it goes when I’m in love and you’re all that I have but..

Oh well.. My little inner voice. Angel. Spirit. What are you?

The water that neutralizes all the fieriness

Living within a simple but elegantly carved out

Body of an Autumn Princess..

Strolling the earth in her miniature likeliness

Princess.

All things within you and without you are

Like fire in the mountain

Roaring to explode in no time

The volcanic eruption about to course earth’s second bang theorem

And the next war III just cos you’re all in one

And just like you thought…

Baby girl, that love is the answer and love will conquer all

Like that, quick temper of yours which you hoped to escape from the tomb you are

To invite only good vibes..

Just like that, you were wrong.

And it’s not about love, and softness or beauty with grace

Because all that isn’t enough

For the universe to realize the Princess you are

But the strong side, the fierce and rebellious tramp

Who just goes on and on and never stops

No matter what.

That is what matters. To know your struggles to begin with

To get through peacefully without shame and remorse

So I will grow into a QUEEN someday

When the world has no choice but to witness the victory I came with

And rejoice with me

In the name of the Almighty and All- knowing

Stripping my worn out cloak and replacing it with Greek togas

Floral patterns

Gold crown and diamond bracelets

There.. I’ll scream..

I am queen!

Followed by loud exclaims like

“Long live our queen”, ” long live strength” and ” long live Venice”

Cos Venice.. I might live there in the land of illusion someday

bows.

Pretty Bird

Yes, this is all I have left in me
Said, she had just, self expressed
Herself to death, now nothing’s left
Nothingness
She finessed it
She the best
And I said, and I said
Pretty bird, and I said
Pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird
Sounds so pretty when you cry
Pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird
You’re so pretty, but why I never see you fly?
Pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird
Please don’t die, please don’t die
Pretty bird, pretty bird, I know your hurtin’
Well so am I, so am I
Pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird
Please don’t cry, you can fly
And there’s a blinding light inside of you
There’s a blinding light inside of you
And they can not deny you, they can not deny you
Pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird
Pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird
Please don’t die, please don’t die
Pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird
Please don’t die, please don’t die
Pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird
Pretty bird, pretty bird
Sounds so pretty, when you cry
Pretty bird, pretty bird I know your hurting, well so am I
Pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird
Pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird
Pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird
Please don’t die, please don’t cry
Pretty bird, pretty bird
We need your life, we need your life

The city heard, the sounds of a pretty bird
Yelling from Slauson to 53rd
What happens if you holla and can’t be heard?
For the birds and the drama, I paint these words
They say through the pain is how we learn
You landed on the window of pain, simple and plain
It’s hard for you to fly in the rain
The way love goes is not the way that it came
Come fly, un-die, be born again
I’ve seen the strongest of them be torn from men
Ripped apart and get put back together
Them the ones with the most beautiful feathers
Lets, flock together, rock together, Nirvana
A birds persona to be free and honor
The sky, that’s when you really most high
Unafraid of the unknown and now we know why

Pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird
Let me

Thank you jhene aiko

You revived me.. Started a fire that will never quench in my heart.

The Motion

I wrote this while waiting for a friend somewhere in the hostel siting on a lovers’ bench. I hope it makes the sense I intend to make..

At exactly 1:30 am..
Dawn of a new day, I never imagined talking to a boy so fine, so mannered, so disciplined and principled..
We met through the internet and it changed my whole perspective about people on there.
So my phone rang that early.. I was deep into the dream.. But yh.. Somehow I knew it was him so I woke.
Long ass convo.. Heartfelt, with joy and understanding. We just clicked right from there.

Early morning.. 6:10, baby. Uhmm is it safe to call him that yet? Oh well..
Playing safe or giving up..
So I woke up to a text that made me feel like the most relevant creature walking this earth. At least I entice someone’s interests.. We’ll eventually be suckers.

I guess that’s been the motion.. Of falling in love? Lust? Lost?

Whatever it’ll be.. Up to me. Up to him
Amazingly. Not surprisingly tho. We got addicted to each other. Late night texts.. Unexpected calls.. Sweet messages.. Quotes for encouragement.. 24/7 nah 25/8

12:00 pm
Not even a minute late, we started professing love to each other. Started feeling committed to each other and feeling responsible for each other.
Well.. That was the motion

Now I’m walking to class with earplugs in my ear.. Loud music playing.. Singing along to the tunes of life and love, “you’re just too good to be true.. Can’t take my eyes off you.. You be like heaven touch.. I wanna hold you so much.. You’re just too good to be true”

But I heard once that, if you ever feel someone is too good to be true.. Well the person is

So this is it.. He was too good to be true and I didn’t wanna even believe it. I guess I shut my eyes to the reality.

3:15 pm
approaching evening.. And the evenings of a good relationship.
My baby.. He just minimized how he made me feel so alive. He said he loved me.. Once in a while.. He’ll call me the best thing that ever happened to him.. I’ll get swollen but under control. I’m just too good at harboring emotions so I don’t make a fool of myself.

6:40 pm
I’m sitting on my bed. Lonely. Crying. Where is the fire of my loin? My sun and stars?
Baby: ” I’m busy. I’ll talk to you when I get home from school. I promise I”ll make it up”
Me: ” ok baby. Be safe.”

Logs on to twitter.. I see him all over the TL. He said he was gonna hit me up. Where is he? ..
Over there.. Flirting with one or two chicks. I’m startled. Babe never got home but he’s online.

I let it go. I’m easy. I’m too easy. I love peace.
I guess that’s the motion.

9:00 – 6:40 = ? Pm
Yh for that long.. I sent him texts. No reply. Goodness. We’re in the late evenings of love. The darkness.
I didn’t see this coming. Still no reply.
I’m dozing off and I hear my phone buzz.. Hey bby. I was studying. I miss you. How are you doing?
I’m angry. I’m sad it turned out this way.. But of course, the love and power I displaced is not about to sink

I’m great. I miss you more. What’s up?

He goes off only to get back at 10:30 to say ” I have a test most days, baby”
Don’t get tired yet. We’ll pull through.
So I hold on tight. I know what I want I’m not the type to get confused along the line and trip. I’m here.. Always here
You’ll come find me

1:20 am
Midnight. Total darkness. It just stopped being about me. For a reason I don’t know.
24 hours of the love we grew to build together.. Falling apart.
I’m falling apart. I lost myself in this. I gave all I could. I fought for the love I believed in.
Now it’s come to the time I can fight no more.
It stopped being about me. It stopped being about how amazing we were together.
It stopped being pursuing the future together.. Even though it ain’t promised us anything better.. We just believed.
It all turned round. Me in the centre with a circle of people around me.. I’m clothed in clown attire.. Moving up and down in the circle, confused. Girls, boys. Everyone laughing .. And the thought of making it through..
Jerked around.. Pulled and pushed.
Tears.

Baby is watching. He is watching me being made fun of. I’m the clown
But he swears he’s got this.

That has usually been the motion.
I guess that’s just the motion.

When is enough enough?
Today? The next minute. I want to stay. I want to win. But I need some self preservation. I’m almost left with nothing.. Gave out too much power from the start

…fed up.
Leave me alone baby. Have your way and be with the girl in the rumors.
Not that I don’t want us..
Not that I’m not strong enough to hold on..
I’m just doing what is best for you.. Us.

24 good hours of the love.. The lifespan finally ended.

Will it ever be revived??

….
I still love you.. He says
You will always be that girl who meant so much to me.

You only make me cry..

but I know that’s just the motion…

After Ramadan

eid morning..
Mummy wakes me up to do my chores.
Brother plays me an old V.I.P eid song.
Work and happiness.
Now it's almost time for masjid..
I'm running late, I'm making everyone late.
Make-up, dress, shoes, purse
Oh my gosh we're late.

Children's park is crowded.
We didn't miss the prayer- I am extremely happy.
Photographer approached. "A photo please" I said to mummy.
A shot. Another shot.
We are beautiful.

A few shots on my phone. Kid sis is adorable, mum is pure gold.
A video to capture the atmosphere.
Hearts are happy and blessed.
Prayer.

after eid prayer..
Old friends. Family friends. Everybody looks graceful.
I love eid. You meet up with so many people.
Then.. Mum spots Hajia’s friends.
“Come say hello” mum calls.

We share hugs. Then handshakes.
Then came another.
I didn’t see this coming.
She is in tears. Oh my God.
I can’t stand it. I wanted to look away and stay strong.

But.. She’s still in tears.. She has memories of Hajia.
Like to say go.. Tears started flowing.
These women remind me of Hajia.
I can’t even look at mummy’s face.
We are heartbroken.
Poor little sister, all she cares about is the khebab she is buying.

I love prayer. It keeps me going.
It sounds boring but every year, we gather around and pray for ourselves.
Guess what..
This time she’s not with us.
Last time, we prayed with her..
This time, we pray for her.

Next time I hope the memories are ones we can hold on to and not cry about.
And those to appreciate.. For every coming, there’s a going.
That they are strengths and nobody will ever see our tears for them.

I loved her, we loved her but we never showed her
Maybe that’s why we grief so much
And every mention of her is a painful story.
Rest in peace, I still look in the mirror and see my myself growing into a woman of your kind; your beauty.

you are in a better place where The Lord watches over you. R.I.P.. Rahma on your soul.

Jhene’s words..

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ghosts when I open my eyes, real when I close them

don’t wake me up, I love this dream

I’m afternoon dreaming, so much bliss

the love is perfect, perfectly imperfect

I love you, then I hate you

then I love you all over again, sanity?

forever.. Today, tomorrow, any day

my afternoon dream, I don’t wanna wake up

almost flawless.. Not flawless.

we are pretty, you just get me, you are pretty

what a life.. What a love

we live through, then we die getting through

this is an oxymoron.. Ours is

which side? This side. Love side

stick here cos there’s no other side.. anyway

let’s set this right.. Cos my dream..

the afternoon dream.. I don’t wanna wake up!